we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
