I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize