I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
