no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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