mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We're too hungover to prance.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
