They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Text me some of your sweat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
