You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
