What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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