If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
