Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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