this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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