You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
