I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
