I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
