Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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