did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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