Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
