What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
