i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
