help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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