Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
