Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
please come you make the beer taste better
Do vagina's smell?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
