Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
