U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
