and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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