I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
