ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
