I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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