You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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