Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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