There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
