My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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