Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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