Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it was like eating out sand paper
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
