She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
