just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
