i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
