she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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