I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
