The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
