I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
