I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
