Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
