Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
