Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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