Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
