Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
