and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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