Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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