He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
