so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
