Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
