I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
