Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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