the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
