Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
