Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
