I wish my penis had an off switch
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
