She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
