operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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