Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
