I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
