the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Watching her eat just hurts me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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