I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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