As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
