I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
