so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
