pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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