my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
