Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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