I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
