can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
